A Public Service Announcement.....

After a white-knuckled drive home......

Winter weather in the South is a mixed blessing. It's cool because we never get it.

And it sucks because you have to share the road with Southern drivers........who don't even know how to drive in the rain. 'Snowmageddon'? You got that right. I cannot be categorized as a Southerner--even though my whole family is Southern and I was born in the southernmost city in the United States; and even though I have lived my whole life South of the Mason-Dixon line.

I am not a Southerner because I know how to drive in rain, sleet, snow and ice. I live in the only city in which I have seen a plow truck have an accident. Not kidding here.

Dear Southerners, In rain, sleet, snow and ice I have watched your driving dip-shittery for lo, these last 35 years......and I have a few things to tell you:

Four wheel drive on icy roads does NOT give you superpowers. It means you're doing the luge, and didn't an Olympic athlete just die doing that? And if you're stupid enough to think four wheel drive will save your ass in those road conditions, I am quite sure I don't want to share the road with you.

So....here is some advice:

--Maintain a speed that will give you time to react, should you hit ice. That doesn't mean that you should simply drop down to the posted speed limit. Lower........

--If you see an icy patch you will not be able to avoid, let up off the accelerator, and downshift.

--Your tires are your friend. Stay in tune with them.......listen to them. Any deviation in how they sound........any shift in the direction of your vehicle when you haven't turned the wheel--you have hit ice.......

--Now that you have hit it--stay calm. Resist the urge to slam on the brakes. DON'T DO IT. Downshift! Resist the urge to jerk the wheel. If you cannot resist the urge to jerk the wheel--please swerve opposite the direction of traffic. You are more likely to survive a rollover than a head on collision. No sudden moves here.......this is where maintaining a speed that gives you reaction time is going to help......

--If you find yourself in a full spin: If you have front wheel drive, turn INTO the spin. If you have rear wheel drive, turn the wheel in the direction you want your vehicle to go. If you have four wheel drive, bend over and kiss your ass bye-bye; I will do my level best to maneuver out of your way. If you are not sure, stay off the damn road.

Get this concept in your head, people: you are, in winter weather, behind the wheel of something that weighs several tons AND YOU HAVE NO BRAKES. Until you can remember that--stay off the damn road.

And a big thanks alot to Georgia DOT--my tax dollars went for that half-assed plow/sand job you did on I-575, and it ain't makin' it.......